When you take off all the masks and see Yourself, that’s a great journey.
I have worn many masks in my life. Each mask was a role I had to play at that time, and each mask helped me in some way. The best part of revisiting and examining each phase of my life is that I finally set aside these masks, and I can walk out into the world being myself. I know that the person looking back at me in the mirror is someone who knows their worth and is comfortable in their skin. I see the happy person I am now, and I am grateful for having the chance, and seize the opportunity, to deepen my connection to my soul.
I have been asked to share a bit of my story on how I was able to work on myself. How did I get to this point where I want to share it with everyone? I think everyone should grab the opportunity to get to know their most authentic self at a soul level.
The Backstory
Let’s start with some backstory. I was in a car accident when I was 12, and I lost my Mom and Brother. Then I have the teenage years trying to navigate grief on top of being a teenager. Then I became part of a blended family. Then I become a pretty good runner. I ran off to school, met the love of my life, got married, started “real” jobs, had babies, stayed settled for a few years, and wore the Mom mask quite well. Kids grow up, empty nesters (party time!), and at this point, my soul says, “You’re ready to deal with some of this stuff, so hold on because here we go!”
I found that being a Mom for 22 years and running those boys all over the place allowed me to keep running. Don’t get me wrong, I loved every minute of it, but I never slowed down enough to let any feelings I didn’t want to deal with surface. One might ask if I was sheepish or maybe a genius. I’d say it was survival; it was easier if I just kept moving. Well, it stops at some point, and you can’t run anymore. When the boys were gone, I found I had a bit of time to myself and couldn’t find my purpose anymore. I felt a little lost. That’s when feelings and trauma started to surface for me.
Something Bigger
I had always felt a connection to something bigger than me, but I was not religious. I was raised in a religious family, but I knew from a young age that it wasn’t for me. I believed in a higher power or universal energy, and I had seen things as a kid that let me know there was spirit around me. So, when I was not happy in my day-to-day life and was just sad, I decided to go to a medium. I thought if I could just get some guidance from my Mom or brother, that would make me feel better. I’d have a direction to help myself.
That first healing session unlocked something in me. My Mom and Brother came through and said it was about time I showed up. I was a hot mess that day. So many emotional tears started to fall that day. It was the day I began to permit myself to feel what I had been running from for years. I was at the point where I didn’t have any more space in my body for new energy. My tank was full and not in a good way. I held a lot of anger, some for an energetic purpose and a large amount just because I hadn’t let it go. It was time for me to grow; for that to happen, I had to let go of these emotions. I had to heal.
Emotional work is exhausting.
Here’s the thing about emotional work, it’s exhausting. I left that healing session and was tired and a bit scared. What had I started in myself? At the time, I didn’t realize it, but what I had created was space for a personal journey to care for myself. To heal the trauma and heal it from my heart, from the inside out. I wanted to feel my heart sing again, to have those moments in my day that made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy. I was tired of being angry at the world and everyone in it. I was ready to allow myself to feel and get better.
For anyone in this space, it’s terrifying. You have to be vulnerable, and that takes some guts. I had to start sharing with my husband what I had been thinking and feeling. I feel bad for putting him through all of this, but I think he’d agree that it was all for the better for us.
So, I came out of the healing session with some homework. First, I started to meditate and journal. Second, I needed to share what was happening and not hold everything inside. It can be challenging to find the time to take care of yourself, don’t make an excuse, though; make it a priority to get it done. Making myself a priority was a shift, and I didn’t expect it to be as tricky as it was. Again, if I concentrated on the others, I didn’t have to deal with myself. I can tell you that dealing with a nicer and happier self makes every day much brighter. Making myself a priority was worth it.
Forgiveness at a greater level.
Meditation worked for me. I joined a 6-week class for mediumship and how to use connection to gain understanding and guidance. If you look at the word mediumship, it starts with M-E. You have to be in the right space and be ok to move forward in your own life. Through these classes, I could explore my old self, my inner child, and many more topics and release emotions and feelings that I had held on to for too long. I was able to bring joy back into my life. I was able to deal with our accident at a deep level. I gained so much understanding about that time in my life. I could start to understand why some decisions were made, and although some actions hurt me, I now know everyone was doing their best at the time. I learned forgiveness at a greater level. In doing so, I was also able to forgive myself.
As I have progressed on this path, I have had several topics come back to the forefront, and I have had to let go of emotions again and again. Emotional work takes time, and when your soul is ready for you to deal with things at a deeper level, you see the same topics show up again. You really can’t believe how deep some trauma can go. It can be frustrating, but when you are healing from the inside, it feels gratifying. To have a topic resurface is a good indication that you are sitting in a new space and will be able to understand the lesson at a deeper level. That’s growth!
Trust
Mostly I have been able to build a connection within myself. I trust what I feel, and I act on that trust. I have stopped trying to control my world; instead, I just enjoy my world. I enjoy the moments, and I don’t feel the need to run any longer. I have gained a great deal of knowledge and tools that have helped me move a step ahead on this journey. I love the feeling when I look in the mirror and see a happy person looking back at me. I can now feel the love others have for me. I was missing that for a long time. I can feel the joy at a celebration and the power that joy can bring to me. I can identify when my ego is getting in the way. That little voice that says, I can’t, or you’re not good enough to do that, I’ve learned to ask it to step aside so my soul can fly. I show that voice that I can! I’ve changed how I look at situations and focus on the now, not the outcome I might have once expected. What’s going to happen is what’s going to happen; I don’t want to try and control that any longer.
I have put in a lot of hard work to get to where I am. I share this now because people have asked, and I know I am not the only person in the world to feel the way I did. If you feel sad and lack purpose, know that it’s ok to look inside yourself and heal the parts of you that hold you back. If you think you are in a good space but want to better yourself to a higher level, this can also work for you. I continue to work on myself every day. I meditate daily and continue to journal about my days; even this blog helps me move forward. By sharing, I am allowing myself to let go, be vulnerable and open up space for something good to come my way.
What is written above is a chunk of my story, and I hope it has given you some inspiration if you are down at that low point in life and your soul is bringing forward things you need to deal with. I hope you can put yourself as a priority, and you can dig a little deeper to heal yourself. I hope you can remove some of your masks and see the beautiful and loving soul that you are. How I chose to go about healing may not be for everyone, but whichever way you get help, do it. It’s worth every penny you spend and will help make our world a little brighter. Everyone deserves to be happy!
You may also like to read my post on Karen the Healer here.
We are happy!
