The Stupid Years…

I had two friends that I would go to lunch with once a month. Between us, there were seven boys. Mine boys were on the younger side, so I gained a lot of wisdom and insight from my friends while in the trenches of raising boys. I was relaying a story about my oldest, who was about 12 at the time. He had a piece of garbage in his hand, and we were standing in the kitchen. He looked at me and asked where he should put it. I thought, well, that’s a dumb question. I didn’t say that out loud, so calm down. I looked at him and said, maybe in the garbage? He said, oh, ok, that’s a good idea. I was baffled. At the end of my story, both ladies started to chuckle. Then, let us call her Kate, Kate says, he’s into the stupid years!

I looked at her and said, “What?” Kate said she and her Husband called it the Stupid years. This does not mean we are calling our kids stupid.  It merely marks a space in time.

One day the boys just wake up, and their brains don’t work anymore. They can’t remember why they walked into a room or what you told them to do 5 seconds before. They forget they need to have a shower or brush their teeth. The funny thing is, they genuinely do not know what to do most of the time.

Welcome to the Stupid years. As I thought about this for a second, I could remember the look in my sons’ eyes when he asked me, and yes, he really did not know where to put that piece of garbage. All I could think was, crap, how long does this last?

I want to share with you about the stupid years to get you a step ahead, to prepare you so one day you don’t think aliens have taken your child’s soul in the middle of the night. The Stupid Years are not all bad either. There are moments of pure joy because you see them start to grow and mature.

Here is my advice for parents with kids in the Stupid years. First, all kids go through it. Not just boys, girls do too, but they aren’t as severe, or so I’ve been told. Second, they eventually come out of it around 18-19 years old. Some people may say they don’t come out of it until 40, but each individual is different.

This part of parenting is where you earn some important stripes. Especially if you have other kids coming behind the one in the Stupid Years already.  These are the times you take notes, so when they finally have kids, you can say, well, it’s just payback! This is where you should take time and write down stories about them in a book to give to them later. They will not believe some of the things they did. On the one hand, you can’t believe some of the stuff they do. On the other hand, you are so happy they did it (sometimes) because the stories are funny and you will remember them forever.

Here are some entertaining Stupid Years stories…

One child, who was 17 at the time, asked me what he should pack in his bag for a trip he was going on. That doesn’t sound so bad, you say. Well, he had been travelling every week for about 2 years, off to ski trips, and here and there and everywhere. I looked at him as said, are you really asking me what you should pack?

He replied, “I’m sorry, Mom, I’m still in the stupid years!”

When one child had a friend over, they wondered how high they could turn up a paintball gun before a bullet they made out of a toonie ($2 Canadian Coin), and duct tape would really hurt. They ramped it up pretty high and came inside and showed us all their welts. One just has to shake your head. I put a stop to that one.

Don’t get me started on the dog bark collars. I don’t think my kids did this, but their friends did at my house. It’s hilarious, but I was always asking myself, Why? They’d put the collar on, bark, and see how nasty the shock was.

Whoever could get the highest was the winner.

Then there was the time I caught them all jumping off our deck into what looked like fluffy snow. I ran out onto the deck and said, “What the hell do you think you guys are doing?” I should mention that there were probably 5 boys and my Husband on the wrong side of the railing! My Husband quickly jumped back over and threw the kids under the bus! They didn’t jump that day, but I later found out they would jump off the railing onto the trampoline. I probably would have done that when I was younger too.

As a parent, you will have to have patients and when you give directions, make them clear and concise. No more than 3 steps at a time and have them repeat it back to you.

Sometimes repeat it back multiple times until you think they understand. Carry your frequent visitor’s card for the ER in your wallet. Anything can happen in the Stupid years. It will be frustrating. Try and remember that your parents did it for you. And yes, you did go through the stupid years as well.

You are proof there is light at the end of the tunnel. For all the forgotten items, lost pieces of clothing and multiple trips to their school to pick up forgotten items; In the end, you will have your boy back whole again. Then you have the college years!

I have many stories about the stupid years, some good, some bad, but I wouldn’t trade any of them. Well, maybe that one time…

If you have a story you want to share, drop me a comment below. If you have questions because you have a child in this beautiful time of their life, ask away. Either in the comments or send it to karen@astepaheadhealing.com, and I will email you back.

Finally, to my two extraordinary friends, thanks for all your stories over lunch and for helping me navigate through the Stupid Years!